Chances

The school WiFi is being generous to me lately, such opportunity doesn't come often.

I have been feeling down and insecure nowadays. Being said, this might be continue for several more days.

I love him so much that I pray almost everyday to God that let him become mine. I love him, regardless his flaws or his flawless. I come to understand the 'LOVE' term according to my own understanding.

Love is not an instant love, which the moment you are in heat, making love is the best way to show your 'love', whether you are truly in love or not. There are several ways when the real love formed. It does sure brings out maximum pleasure when you have reached to the stage where you have finally accepting and embracing someone unconditionally.

Sadly for me at the current moment, he still in his dilemmas. :'(

Still I am patiently waiting for him. Yet, The waiting has almost reaching its limits. I have to consider my age for me to bear children. He wants kids, so do I. I really hope we can be together. I want us to build our future together.

You may think this is one sided thing, but to be honest, our conversations more on to the future. I really hope whatever we have discussed and said will soon be fulfilled.Sometimes he would initiate the topic before I do, and I know from his eyes that he too, has been fallen in love, with me. But then, the moment he said risks and challenges. It makes me realised that he is too actually afraid and uncertain what will happen tomorrow. No one knows what holds tomorrow but once we are together, I know we can go through all the challenges and tasks with our heads on it.

I once have so called an ideal dream man of my own, and I certainly sure I had one. Thinking back how it went, I still liked him but it becomes lesser and now, I dont have any feelings toward him except the feeling as a friend. He is someone that I treasure and I thanked him to be a part of my life and memories.

Years after, upon meeting my Baby, I realised that all criterias that an ideal man should have are at my Baby. Upon our meeting to almost every week, I keep on falling in love of him deeply. Some might be only the outer appearance that I am not used to (I am used to now. HAHA) about him but the inner him that I valuate most and appreciate most.

I really hope we can be together. Amen.

ps. I am turning my television and 'watching' Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) Season 2. by 'watching I mean, I simply let it rolls and turned it as a music background to filled in the emptiness of this house while do blogging at the moment. WAKAKAK!

Until then,
LL x