I don't even know how to begin since so many things happened within the time gaps since then.
Wonderful events, sad events, emotion events, even stressful events.
My current mode: more to stress and complicated
Sometimes I feel like I was born into the wrong place and wrong dimension even the wrong country.
Money, Relationships.
Money comes first.
Relationships after.
Me: I don't feel like I deserve to have both of those.
The person I like is no longer a 'like' feeling, it's a love. I won't call it like, but love him. YES. I LOVE HIM.
The sad thing about that is that he hasn't sure and feel he doesn't deserve to get any love from anyone. Still, I love him, despite any flows he has. I love the imperfection of him. How I wish he knows this. Talk about risks and consequences. He gets afraid. I do understand, but I am always be with him. The burden he has I will cease it in anyways I can, I am always beside him.
I want him as my husband and the father of our children. I want nothing from his family fortune nor fame. I simply want him. The person I love. without coated masks.
Yet
It is complicated. I have told him clearly how much he means to me. He will be the final decider,
Money
Is the devil root of all.
This is painstaking for me. I am stressed in so many ways. That's why. I am ashamed of myself. I cannot proudly strengthen my back while having debts around me.
I shall stop here.
It tears me up the more I am typing while pouring my thoughts into words and am telling you these.
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